Darkness

My heart is so full of darkness waiting to be shed. But, I am unable to shed it out due to the weight of the same darkness. Sometimes, I even feel I enjoy it because I am unable to even cry and let it out. This has been going on for more than 2 years. I have been wanting something for the past two years. All doors have closed on my face that I am afraid to even try and open one now. But, I am not able to let go of what I want. I hope not even my worst enemies go through this phase. This is not a cry for help. And no amount of comforting by fellow human beings is going to help me. I have no idea when this will pass.

Get Baggage Free

A large part of our life is consumed with negative thoughts and feelings. We all have experienced situations where we have been wronged by different people. Many people have the ability to forgive and forget instantaneously or after sometime depending on the time they take to heal. But, people like me fall trap to the whirlpool of negativity left by those negative experiences or people. Thoughts about revenge, jealousy, grudge and anger keep circling in our minds and we always think about getting even with the people who have hurt us.

Lately, as part of self-improvement, I consciously decided to feed myself with positive thoughts, books, videos and actions. After sometime, I realized that to get to my destination of a positive mindset, it is also important to get rid of the baggage of hurts, vengeance and resentment inflicted on me by people in the past. This morning, I tried out a new technique. I wrote letters to people who have hurt me in the past and for whom I had the maximum anger in my mind. I wrote everything they had done to me and how much I hated them and wanted to get even with them. In the end, I wrote that I forgive them not because they are right about what they have done but because I want to make myself free. After that, I read those letters out aloud and tore those papers to bits. I feel so much better now. I feel free of those hurts and my heart has so much extra space. As Robin Sharma says, it is not only important to have a great mindset but it is also important to have a great ‘heart-set’.

If you are struggling with feelings of grudge, anger or hatred towards anybody, please try the method I have just described. It will shift your entire focus and make you a better person.

Love Letter

Dear Senor,

I think this is my first letter to you after our three years of togetherness. My heart is brimming with things I want to tell you, but somehow, I am not able to put all my feelings into words. You know what an undisciplined brat I am and my scatter brain never has anything properly organized. But today, I think I will make an effort to put my thoughts in order to tell you how much I am in love with you and how much I appreciate you as a person and husband.

The last three years with you has been the most rewarding years of my life. You have been more than a husband to me. You have been a father, brother and friend to me to suit my different personas at different times. I am the difficult one and you have known how to handle my extreme mood swings with love and patience. I remember the first time I fell on your chest and cried my heart out. You pacified me and you mentored and trained me to be the stronger person I am today. You changed me from the insecure and negative child to the more confident and positive lady I am today.

You always put me first, made sure you took all our decisions to suit my needs, desires and welfare than your own. I like it when you come to me saying sorry when I sit fuming after our nasty fights and arguments. I take advantage of the fact that you cannot live without talking to me for long and I make you come to me apologizing knowing fully well that the fault is mine.

You have pushed me to extend my limits and shown me what I am capable of. You have always believed in me more than I have ever believed in myself. Even now, when I am having the most challenging time of my life, you are my pillar of strength even though I know you experience the same stress that I am going through.

Thanks a lot dear for making me a part of your life and for taking me under your wing. I could not have asked for a better life partner and I feel so honored that among the millions of girls in this world, you chose me as your better half. I don’t have words to describe how thankful I am to you for everything you have done for me. I love you.

The Final Leap

She had been running towards this destination for a long time.

She had lost her way, stumbled and fallen many times during this sprint.

Now, the destination is nearing and it is time for her to take the final leap.

This final leap would change the course of her life.

This final leap would become part of her history.

This final leap would be unforgettable for her as long as she lives.

Let the whole universe conspire to help her take this final leap successfully.

And let her find the greatness within her.

The First Kiss

They held hands and gazed at each other as if in a trance.

She then slowly leaned towards him for their magical first kiss.

He cupped her face in his hands and their lips almost touched for the final sensation.

Bang…bang…bang.

“Open the door, girl. What are you doing locked up inside your room?”

16-year old Lisa almost jumped out of her skin when she heard her mother knocking on her bedroom door. She got up reluctantly, cursing her mother for disturbing the passionate scene she was about see in the romantic movie that she was watching.

“Mothers always have to barge in at the wrong time.” She thought while she switched off her laptop and walked over to her bedroom door.

Relatives or Enemies?

In this post, I want to talk about some evil relatives or evil extended family. All of us have our share of such relatives. How do you recognize such people?

1. If you come to know that they are talking ill about you behind your back, but their voice drips honey when they talk to you, they can be tagged as evil relatives.
2. Just talk to them about some good news from your side or about some success/achievement that you have had. The color of their face changes to show jealousy.
3. If you talk about your good news when you are with a group of relatives, the evil ones will either try to drown your talks or they find some other reason to put you down in front of other people.
4. Some of them will approach you only if they want some ‘help’ from you. If you expect any help from them, they seem to have disappeared from the face of this earth.
5. They would try to create some sort of misunderstanding between you and one of your immediate family members. They take pleasure in creating fights and creating trouble and havoc within other families.
6. They poke their stupid nose into other people’s family matters without being invited. They just don’t understand that we don’t need their evil opinions or advises.

I have experienced all of the above. And I have been fortunate and sensible enough to deflect them and their evil intentions. I can see right through them and I am ruthless enough to cut them out from my life before they harm me or my family in any way.

Small Wins of Life are….

1. When you make idli batter on your own for the first time and see a well fermented batter the next day that will make you super soft idlis.
2. When you complete that online certification course successfully.
3. When you finish reading that book you had wanted to read for a long time.
4. When you are able to keep up with the smallest of the small New Year resolutions.
5. When you start a new positive habit and are able to consistently maintain that habit without any interruption.
6. When you are able to get rid of a bad habit step by step.
7. When you get that new haircut and you realize you look just awesome.
8. When you help a stranger and that person looks at you with gratitude.

Life is not all about BIG wins. Celebrate your small wins as well. Those small wins will lead you on your path to your big dreams and goals.

On being well groomed

This is a topic I have wanted to write for a long time. By nature, I am not a very ‘girly’ person. I have streaks of manly character within me that sometimes takes over without me even realizing it. Right from childhood, I have never understood the importance of dressing up, combing my hair, adorning myself with accessories and putting on makeup. When I was a small little girl, I remember my mother dressing me up in clean clothes, combing my hair and putting on my chain and my little studs and sending me off to school. It was an unwritten rule in my family to take morning bath every day. When I became old enough to look after myself, I stopped taking care of myself almost immediately. I was partially tomboyish and never even cared to comb my hair. My friends at school have often told me how shabby I look. I have some personal reasons to be that way but mostly it is because I am wired that way by nature. Things started changing when I started to work because I took my work seriously and I wanted my coworkers to take me seriously. So, I spent some time every morning making an effort to iron my clothes and combing and tying up my hair neatly. But the word makeup was still distant to me. I still don’t use makeup every day. I don’t change accessories to match my clothes every day. The only time I really dress myself and put on makeup is when I attend some special occasion. But there too, I would be the least groomed person. I don’t have the patience to decorate myself and sometimes I consider that a waste of time. I am too lazy to take the effort. At other times, it doesn’t even cross my mind. I don’t visit beauty salons on a regular basis. I visit salons only when I am left with no choice but to pay a visit there.

By reading this post, don’t think that I am belittling women who look groomed and adorn themselves every day. In fact, sometimes I secretly fancy being like them ;-). But, I have never felt it is really worth the time and effort.

Not all that we see on Social Media Platforms is true

I am sure I am not the first person to think or write about this topic. Many of us are shallow enough to think that our life is ‘nothing’ when compared to our friends’ life on Facebook, Instagram or LinkedIn. When we see that romantic message which our friend’s husband has posted on her Facebook wall, the picture of our friend taken in one of the exotic holiday destinations, the ‘lovey-dovey’ picture of another acquaintance with her romantic husband or the update of another friend getting that job which we really wanted in our dream company, we tend to feel that there is something lacking in our life. I believe it is normal to feel that way. After all, we are all humans and we have our moments. If we are seeing these updates at an absolutely low point in our life, it triggers a load of negativity that would keep circling in our minds and that is enough to make us feel like such losers.

Once upon a time, I used to feel I live a very inadequate life compare to people I know when I used to see these kinds of updates on Facebook or LinkedIn. But through my own experiences and discoveries I have found that not all of what we see on social media is true. One of my cousins got married around 3 years ago. I could not attend the wedding but I saw the wedding pictures on Facebook and a trailer video of the wedding through Youtube. They had spent a fortune for the wedding and reception and the couple looked beautiful, so much in love and full of smiles. The celebration of their romance through Facebook was such hype as a lot of romantic pictures of the couple were making their rounds for almost one or two months. A new picture was uploaded every day. Not even six months of their married life lasted and they are now headed towards a very messy divorce. From this I understood that you should never make judgements about somebody’s life through what you see about them on social media. Their wedding trailer is still there on Youtube and somebody who saw that video just two weeks back posted on what a lovely couple they are. This example is just one of the many Facebook examples I have seen.

I chanced upon the profile of of a girl on LinkedIn who claimed to be currently working as a Sr Business Analyst with one of the big 4 US based software companies in the world. Her previous experience also lists out many of those ‘big companies’ where it is not even easy to land an interview. Recently, I happened to discover that she is just a temporary staff of the admin team in that company and the job she is currently doing is not even remotely linked to that of being a Sr Business Analyst. I was horrified to think why people have no shame in displaying such huge lies for the world to see. After all, a lie should at least be partially true.

What is the point of publishing and celebrating your life on social media? Is it just to let people know what a wonderful life you are living and make them jealous? Or is it just to satisfy your mind because you feel inadequate yourself? What is the point of informing everybody in which restaurant you are eating dinner on a Saturday night? Why would other people care about where you are having dinner or when you plan to go to bed? Don’t you care about your privacy anymore?

What I want to convey through this post is that if you are among those who get upset or feel like a loser on logging into your social media accounts, you should not be. The world of social media can be used to fake anybody’s life. There is a façade that people put up to protect their own insecurities and don’t be fooled by that. Even if that façade is the truth, just focus on your happiness and in achieving your dreams and goals. Have gratitude for all that you are blessed with. That goes a long way.

Are you good at concealing yourself?

I am not. Sometimes, it is necessary to conceal aspects of our life and escape from certain situations. This could be necessary because we might have certain current circumstances in our life that we might not want people close to us to know immediately. I am currently in such a situation. There is this particular occasion coming up in my life that I don’t want my friends or relatives to know right now. Only I and Senor are aware of it and we have no intention of publicizing it at the moment. I have changed some of my behavioral characteristics for this occasion and these days, I am not my usual self. The problem is our friends have started to notice and are coming up with questions which I find very hard to answer. I have tried my best to conceal things from them but I am not doing a good job with it. Last night, Senor even scolded me for not doing it properly in spite of his repeated advice and ‘training’. The good news is I need to put up this façade only for the next couple of weeks or so. After that, I will be free, ecstatic and fulfilled. But, I believe I need to learn to be a bit more street smart to think on my feet and come up with plausible explanations because such kind of situations can come up again in life.